Why Suicide? Why Blonde?

If you were alive in the 80's you will remember the INXS song "Suicide Blonde." I loved INXS, and since I became a blonde by accident I identified with this song... So much so that it became my nickname in the Prodigy chat rooms for many years, and yes, I'm aware that I'm dating myself. I don't care.

How I became a blonde: I was a happy brunette all my life, until I began getting gray hair in my early 30's. Since at that time I was having babies, I wanted to look younger, fresher. My then husband, the father of my babies, hated gray hair so I started using a rinse to cover the gray. THEN I made the big mistake of getting a perm because my hair is very fine and I needed "volume." Well, the woman who did my permanent left it in for like 2 hours and stupid me had no clue that that was way too long for a perm. When she took out the little perm rollers my hair was blonde, and when my hair dried I looked like a blonde Bozo the Clown who had stuck his finger in the electric plug. When I got home, my husband opened the door and laughed till he cried. I just cried. That was the beginning of my (suicide) blondeness...

Now, in my (very early) fifties, I feel great as a blonde and I don't care how much I spend on L'Oreal Medium Ash Blonde No. 71/2, it's well worth it. It's funny how different "accidents" or "events" can change lives drastically. My hair color change was not such a drastic one but others have been.

For example: I got mugged once. The mugging in itself was horrible, it was the first time I had ever been assaulted, I felt defiled, vulnerable, exposed. But the consequences of being mugged were worse than the mugging itself.

I was 26, single, recently moved to this city where I knew no one, felt like a complete alien from another planet, hated everything, was living with my parents and could not go on my own because I didn't make enough money... I had been saving my money to move back to where I had come from, back to my unavailable boyfriend whom I loved, back to my friends and the city I loved, back to where I understood people, where they understood me. I was homesick and wanted to go back but a ticket and a move would cost me beaucoup bucks.

The day I got mugged, I was full of resolve to go back or die. I gathered some items I had collected through the years, a set of coral ring and earrings made of solid 18kt gold, a promise ring with a small diamond from a high school boyfriend, some gold coins I had bought with some extra money. I gathered these things and took them on my lunch hour to a jewelry store to have them appraised, thinking I could sell them and buy my ticket back.

Well, I got mugged that day after work and they took every last thing of value I had. Apparently, they had been watching me and following me and waited for their chance to get me, and they did.

The person they left on the sidewalk after they wrestled my purse away from me was not the same person that had gotten up that morning. My will was broken, my valuables were gone, my destiny was changed...