Items of Interest for the New Year!

Have I really been away from my blog for so long? Why? Can it be that my life was (and is) so cluttered up with stuff and activity that I cannot tear myself away from it? Or is it that I am such an upstanding and responsible person that I must be task-oriented at each second of the damn day? Excuse me while I turn away and muffle a quick "Ha!" Who the heck have I turned into? What am I trying to prove and whatever for?

These are all questions that I will endeavor to answer in this first month of the year when traditionally procrastinators, dreamers, bloggers, overeaters, alcoholics, abusers of tobacco, and generally distracted, non-focused people believe that they can turn their lives around, or at least bring some order, control, thought, planning and organization into a train wreck of a life! I have to admit that I am Laughing Out Loud at that last sentence. How naive and bizarrely optimistic we are to think that just because one day (December 31st) turned into another (January 1st) all of a sudden we will magically be able to get a grip on all the pesky (and serious) things that we have not managed to control in the rest of the year. We will once and for all time reconcile our bank account. We will lose unwanted weight (This is how the ads put it, like if some weight is wanted). We will march over to Bally's and let them suck out $40 a month out of our as yet non-reconciled bank account every month for the privilege of standing in line waiting to sweat on their exercise machines for two weeks until we get discouraged or tired or lose interest and stop going. We will develop leadership skills that we never had (and still don't), or worse - that we think we always had - and get that promotion we have been after for years. We will also sprout balls and a backbone and ask for that promotion if it is not offered. We will paint the kitchen and fix the sink that has been leaking for the past six months. We will clean out the car and put our extensive and eclectic CD collection in alphabetical order. We will clean out all five junk drawers in assorted areas of the house and get rid of all that stuff, whatever it is because we have not looked into those junk drawers since we moved into the house eight years ago. We will manage our money wisely, making and taking our own latte to work every morning and actually put some money away in a savings account that we will not tap no matter how badly we need $20 to get a cheap bottle of wine and a pack of cigs. We will eat, smoke and drink less. We will buy two sets of ShamWow and the Shark Steamer and clean every crevice of our abode and be able to sleep at night knowing that we have done the utmost to wipe out the filthy and dreaded dust mites that invade every millimeter of space including our mattresses. We will control, we will manage, we will administer, we will organize, we will become masters of our domains. Sigh.

In my January mood, I am thinking deeply about what I did and didn't do last year. I'm 55 years old. I would like to think that my life is about things other than working overtime, studying and writing papers, washing, drying and folding loads of laundry, getting milk and bread at the store, mowing the lawn every other week (Yes, I mow my own lawn and trim it too), filling the tank with gas, paying bills, making sure the dog is fed and has water, maybe patting him on the head and wishing I could go for a walk with him, but I'm too busy... My life has to be about more than feeling guilty for not doing the things I have to do. You get my drift, no? I am seriously thinking hard about the question "What is my life?" I'm hoping it's not too late to actually develop some enjoyment skills. It seems that I have been trying to be Ms. Responsible/Workaholic/Stoic/You-Can-Always-Depend-On-Me person and I am kind of sick of it.

My first step in the direction of enjoying a little bit more of my life is that I am returning to the blogging universe. I will find 15 minutes of time (or steal it from my work schedule) to write something. I will also put my feet up on the hard drive and look up at the turkey vultures circling outside my window. I will talk about movies, books, Tiger Wood's personal life and whatever else is happening with my coworkers. I will go for a nice 40 minute jog at lunchtime because I enjoy it, not because I have to.

I have a friend who is my age who was telling me that her younger daughter had just left home. She said that her daughter would complain about everything, not help her with house chores, criticize her mother's boyfriend, etc while she was living there. My friend said that she would ask herself, "When will it be my turn to enjoy my life?" I totally get her. We are socially conditioned to be responsible and consequential and I agree that for the sake of our families, our job, our well-being, our stability, etc. that is a good thing to achieve. But we have to enjoy life now too, while we still have it to enjoy.