Dumb Post
Ok, this is a BS post, just like the last one with the cartoon. I cannot pour out my heart or write something profound (I've never done that here yet anyway), or intelligent (that either), or even interesting, mainly because:
I have not been sleeping well, or thinking well, or even driving well, because I am overcome with fear for my son. Last year when he was deployed I took up smoking again (disgusting habit, but what can I say). During my son's deployment last year, I also developed a mysterious itch all over my body which after a $25 co-payment to see the dermatologist and a $25 prescription drug charge (for what I later learned was just a version of Cortaid -Will everyone just line up to take my money?) I still had no clue what it was and neither did the doctor. This deployment is worse, and the few times we have spoken to my son, he has given us horrific news about things that have happened to others in his squad. He has also told us repeatedly to pray for him. And he has told me "Mom, I just want to go home." So I'm out of sorts for a while and will be posting DRIVEL, just so you know.
Anyway, the picture above is of my sister and I in the "disco" era with our identical-save-for-the-color disco dresses. We were young and cute, our asses were as tight as Goldie Hawn's WAS at that time. My mom took this picture of us in the kitchen with the silly-looking kitchen clock right over my head like a halo or a crown. Neither of which I deserved.
I love this picture. We were both in our early twenties, I'm a year older than my sister. For all practical purposes at our age (50-something) we may as well be twins. But going back to the subject, this picture was snapped before all the heartbreaks that came later, it was taken before having to experience the death of our dad which we both adored. It is a picture before either of us got married, had kids, raised them, got divorced. This was before we moved to Miami, before I got mugged, before my hair became blonde, before the pain of labor tore our bodies up. And also before the pain of having to part with our kids. It was taken before the lines of happiness, sadness, stubbornness, fear, surprise and determination were splayed out on our faces. When this picture was taken, we believed in the promise of the future, the infallibility of our parents and authority, in the love of our boyfriends, the loyalty of our friends, and the inevitability of having fun. Yeah, can u believe it?
As Ernesto Sabato wrote in "The Tunnel," our faces are maps of all the emotions we have experienced, and our souls are prisoners of the flesh.
posted by Carmenzta @ 4:15 PM
22 Comments:
in no way dumb - every mother is with you on this one.
you and your sister look gorgeous and I think you can still give Goldie a run for her money :)
I'd call that pouring your heart out and writing something profound, Carmen.
Hang in there.
I don't have any advice so have a hug instead.
wot that mark bloke said. oh, and have a hug.
I can't even begin to imagine how hard it is for you.
I'm thinking of you and your lovely boy.
Tell your boy - no heroics. He's already told you he loves you.
We're pulling for all of you.
That's beautiful.
Sending positive thoughts to you and your son.
To all of you, thank you for your kind thoughts. It means a lot to me, you are all sweeties!
lwwmak - the sound of a kiss blown to all my blog friends.
carmenzta, sorry, i just found this posting. you are in my thoughts and prayers. i agree with everyone, including fronty.
all my love,
anna
p.s. you looked and still look fabulous but i think your face is even better now.
oh and, try aveda's beautifying oil. 18 bucks? i went through a similar skin condition when i went through an intense emotional experience. my mother too when my father asked for divorce. doctors in, doctors out without a clue as to why my skin was behaving that way...expensive creams in...expensive creams thrown in trash because they hurt like a mother*$#@! my friend who worked at aveda at the time suggested it and within three days, my neck to thigh itchy peeling skin thing went completely away. no scars.
Carmenzta, I know it doesn't make things much easier, if any, but love you loads. I'm not a praying man but so hope it all works out for you with your son.
I wish these bloody politicians could begin to feel the pain they cause to all the people caught up in their crap.
Anna, I'm going to try that cream. Thank you for suggesting it. And thank you for good thoughts & wishes.
Tommy, You are a dear and I agree with you on these (*!@#$W*-ing politicians.
I'm keeping everything crossed for your son to come home safe and soon, ndjshfioqhjbvlbv\al, including my fingers which makes typing very difficult.
I'll just stand in line to give you a big hug too x
Thank you, Cherry for crossing everything and for the sweet hug.
Tell him to keep his head down and come home so that he can give you lots of grandkids to spoil.
I don't know what I would do in your situation..I would be breaking out too.
I luv the groovy chicks pic! Feels like a lifetime ago that I was parading around in my 4" blue suede disco boots.
I remember feeling that there was some semblence of order to the universe until my Dad passed away in 1980.
Since then I have had a hard time trying to believe that there is a 'plan' in effect.
If I had a Time machine I would lend it to you.
Homey,
I wish that Time machine existed. Thank you, and I know what you mean about not being able to believe in a plan after losing your father. Like The Doors said "Of all elaborate plans, the end, Of everything that stands, the end, No safety or surprise, the end."
But on a lighter note, whenever you're in Miami come to Happy Hour with us. We'd love to have you!
I remember those dresses :-) Mine was champagne pink. We could have slid me in the picture and look exactly like the two of you. Except my hair was that crazy up on the sides, ratted on top with that curl in the middle of your forehead-sort of that early Madonna thing, remember?
It's going to be OK. I know it is. He'll go on my prayer list as well.
Politicians suck. What do you say we send them instead?
You were HOT! And still are.
What beautiful openness.
I'm with FE and so many others in saying I am thinking of you and your son and your sister and whatever pain you are going through or the pain of living that you went through.
What could Bush or the military establishment know or feel about you and your son?
But enough of that. The minds and hearts of the masses are with you and him.
Many hugs and a shoulder or whatever you need are here in numbers.
Hi, Luv. I'd be doing a lot more than smoking if I had a son deployed. It's the most awful experience to be powerless over what you care about the most. You just survive because you have to for him. I wish I had some sagely remedy for you. I guess you could come over for a martini?
I DO love that picture! It's so odd to look back at yourself when you had no clue what was destined to copme. It's certainly better that way or I might opt out.
Carmenzta....HUGE hugs from another mom. I can't imagine the pain of separation that youre going through, nor the sleepless nights worrying about what is going on. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Also, I LOVE the picture of you and your sis. As some have already pointed out, you're beautifu then and now. Gorgeous! Hang in there hon.
There's that Lovin' Spoonful song about being taken home by a new girlfriend and then getting distracted by her sister.
I have a feeling that may have applied to a lot of your sister's boyfriends. And vice versa.
Kat, The picture was clicked way before Madonna, it must have been 1974 or 1975. Yeah, we go way back!
WW, Thank you, so sweet of you to call me HOT! The only thing hot about me now are the flashes! But I appreciate your good thoughts and offer of a shoulder "or whatever you need." he he he Big hug.
Dyna, I would love to have a martini with you! Even a mental one! Thank you, my dear, for the support.
Pam, Thank you as well for your prayers and thoughts. It really does help to read your sweet messages.
Marky, we never umm "distracted" each other's boyfriends because we were (and are) very close. Her boyfriends are just not attractive to me and vice versa. But maybe I would have made an exception if she had dated you!
Kisses to all of you...
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