Things that make me go HAHAHAHAHA!

I am the type of person that you can see walking down the street or in the next lane at a traffic light or at a table near yours at McDonald's, and I will SEEM completely normal but all of a sudden, without any warning, I will burst into uncontrollable laughter. Sometimes to the point where I am wiping away the tears after a great laugh. "Why?" you may ask, and I will answer: I don't know, except that if I think about something funny that happened, it will strike me as funny as it did the first time. I'm weird like that.

Some of those memories that make me laugh to the point of making my ribs hurt will be listed. And I sincerely hope that they will have the same effect on you:

* Party Girl: When my sister and I were 18 and 17, way back in the early 70's our family was invited to a barbecue (asado) on an island on the Rio de la Plata in Buenos Aires, Argentina. This was a highbrow barbecue since members of the Argentine government as well as the CEO's and COO's of several construction and dredging companies were attending. My sister and I, blooming fashionistas, donned our elephant pants which were the rage that year, our platform shoes, and our midi-length coats, ironed our hair, donned our big hippie purses, and we achieved what was then the "Peke of Perfection." In order to get to the island where the barbecue was held, a huge yacht was chartered, complete with stewards serving drinks and hors d'ouvres (sp?). High class. Top drawer. Until we got to the island. The guests had to cross from the yacht to another huge boat anchored at the island and from that huge boat to the dock. I made it ok, following the other invitees, my sister following behind me. As I stepped onto the dock, one of the sailors grabbed my hand to help me cross. I put one platformed shoe on the dock and as I did, I felt it slide under me. In desperation I gripped the sailor's hand and flipped him. He actually hit the water a few seconds before I did. We both fell in the river. When I fell, he was already in the water and I clawed him in utter despair as I sank to the muddy bottom and pushed myself back to the surface with my platform shoes. He had scratch marks all over. Two or three sailors were needed to drag me from the water because due to the heavy jeans and my long coat plus my purse, all waterlogged, I weighed like three tons. Water poured from my pockets, my purse, my hair as they dragged me out of the water. My parents' faces were a study in deep embarrassment and consternation. I was just freezing my butt off. I still believed they tried to act like I didn't belong to them but they always said it was my imagination.

* Orange you glad? The summer I was 16, I was sitting on our front porch in Sioux City, Iowa, peeling an orange with a knife. I looked up and saw what I thought was my boyfriend's car driving up. I got up and started running to the car with a huge smile on my face, waving at the car. When I got a little closer, I saw that it was not my boyfriend's car and there was a scary-looking old guy driving it while he stared at me, so I turned around and started running back to the house. But I tripped on something, probably the crabgrass, and I fell on my hands and knees, the orange in one hand and the knife in the other. I was lucky I had not poked my eye out. I turned around and saw the old guy in the car driving away laughing as I pulled myself up.

* A little Poop - My parents-in-law were having a long overdue get-together and had invited even the family members they hadn't talked to in forever. All the guests were there, dressed in their pale pinks and blues (this is Fort Lauderdale) and everyone was having a wonderful time. I was in the living room talking to one of my favorite uncles-in-law and I looked out the sliding glass door to the pool area where my then husband was taking care of our then only son, age two and a half. I think it's an understatement to say that I was mortified when I watched my son taking down his diaper and pooping right on the pool deck and in full view of everyone. Yeah, his dad was mortified too, as was grandma and grandad.

* Roach clip - This one is also from way back when I only had one son. My little boy was then also about two and a half. On the weekends, he loved to help me clean the back porch. I would turn the hose on and he would play with the water as I would move the plants around and clean the tile floor and the patio furniture. One day as we were both enjoying the outside and playing with the cool water, I turned around from my cleaning just to check on him and he was standing about five feet away from me with a plastic truck in his hands, smiling at me. But something was very wrong. I noticed that he had a HUGE cockroach on his head. The kind they call Palmetto bugs. It was so big it looked like a little black derby hat on his head. I did the only thing I could do in my state of horrified panic while my whole body burst out with goose bumps and the hair on the back of my head ruffled up... I smacked his head. I got the roach off him and it scampered off but my baby's face pruned up and he burst out crying. I really felt so badly for him, but later we both would laugh at this story.

I have many, many more, but I will have to come back to this subject some other time. This is becoming way too long and unwieldy. If you get all the way to the end of this post, let me know.